Tailored Accordingly

Anyone who has ever taking the subway in New York City in the morning on a weekday knows how crowded it can get.  If you are lucky, and perhaps getting on at the end of the line, you may even get a seat.  For those of you who take part in this ritual probably try to relax in preparation for the day ahead while sipping coffee and reading the paper.  Well, at least that is how they portray it in the movies right?  In reality, if I get a seat I know that I am going to get a face full of someone else’s crotch to go with my ride.  Obviously the people who were not fortunate enough to get a seat will stand so close to you and give you a full frontal view.  This happens to me all the time so I am used to it.  But the other day I was exposed to a guy wearing…

PLEATED PANTS

They were staring right at me during a morning ride on the subway.  Once again I was annoyed by a man’s choice in fashion.  I don’t know when pleated pants came about, became popular or went out of style.  I just know they have no place on a modern man.   I do not even see pleated pants in the stores anymore and for good reason.  They look awkward and they always have.  They for sure fall under the category of “not sexy.”  While I am a big fan of vintage clothing shops, I urge all men to never purchase pleated pants; used or new.  They say pleated pants give larger men or men with an athletic build more room, but I disagree.   The right pair of flat front pants should fit just fine and will look cleaner as well as more sophisticated. Just make sure you purchase the right size and have them tailored accordingly.  You want them to be fitted and sexy not showing all your goods.

Pets Not People

Photo Credit: oakorchardcanoe.com

It was another fabulous weekend here in New York City.  Thankfully the weather was cooperating so all the hip and happening folks were out and about.  My friends and I grabbed a late dinner at Mole on the lower west side and then we were off to The Village Tavern for drinks and shenanigans. There were so many young good-looking guys there.  It was one of my friends who noticed first that many men there were wearing…

FLEECE VESTS

What a turn off.  I know I already expressed my feelings on sweater vests but this is a horse of a completely different color.  I know people love fleece.  I am not sure where and when fleece became popular but I blame Old Navy.  I get it: fleece is soft, durable, washable, inexpensive, comes in an array of colors, and so on.  And just like anything else, fleece vests have their place, like on the slopes or camping for example. But for the most part fleece should be worn on pets not people and maybe for the occasional blanket.  Out at night in the city on the weekend is not where they belong.  It really annoys me when I see a guy wearing a nice collared button down shirt with a fleece sweater vest.  That is an incorrect juxtaposition of epic proportions.  You would never wear ripped jeans and a tuxedo jacket would you? No.  I guess the point is, do not mix casual wear with not so casual wear.  It looks awkward and fleece vests just look cheap and dingy. Put on a real jacket or a sweater for crying out loud.

Mountain Man

Last night my friends and I stayed local but had a wild post Halloween/post hurricane good time.  After a fabulous party we stopped at a local bar for a few drinks to wind down the night.  I wound up talking to a bearded guy.  I’ll spare you the details about how the night went with this guy and just ask all readers this question: What is your take on men’s…

FACIAL HAIR

I hate facial hair on men.  I feel it looks dirty, un-kept and lazy.  Some men slack off with shaving during a vacation or on a sluggish Sunday and that is understandable.  But for the most part my advice is to not be such a sloth and just shave.  I comprehend and agree with the mild stubble look and maybe an extremely groomed mustache but that is as far as it goes.  Over the years I have asked a lot of hairy faced men why they don’t shave.  They always say one of two things.  1- “It keeps my face warm” or 2, “It looks cool like John Lennon, Che Guevara, Abe Lincoln, Ernest Hemingway or even Jesus.”   Queue the eye roll.  I can’t stand when people compare themselves to others that they really can’t relate to but that’s a whole other topic.   Facial hair can be really serial killer/child molester creepy ie: Charles Manson, Bin Laden, Hitler, Stalin etc.  Even when I see Brad Pitt sporting that mountain man facial hair look I think he looks like he may as well be wearing shoes made out of duct tape and begging for money outside of the Port Authority.  So unless you are walking around with a blue ox named Babe or you are one of the stars in “Duck Dynasty” do yourself and every person you’ll ever kiss a favor and shave! And, salons are obviously for men too.  For all of you readers that are also New Yorkers check out this link. New York Magazine;Men’s Shaves. And while you are clicking away take a look at this site about What Facial Hair Says About a Man.

Quick Aside:  If you have a beard and it is going gray, you do not look more distinguished you just look old.  Get rid of it gramps.

Dashing in the Rain

Photo Credit: teddybearpages.com

I don’t know about all of you readers out there but I love a good hurricane.  It is so interesting how people react differently.  I heard of some people evacuating days prior and stocking up on food and batteries.  On the other hand I had to walk outside during the storm and saw kids flying kites in high-speed winds and others Bar-B-Que-ing on their apartment balconies.  For me, I look forward to the less desirable damp weather to check out the latest…

RAIN COATS

Now, I know when there is a hurricane, most people are not worried about looking dashing in the rain.  However, here in New York City where style is everything, you can still see some sexy looks during a dreary day.  I first noticed men’s rain gear back in 2005 when I took a trip to London.  Holy Moly do the men dress well across the pond.  All of the men seemed to dress head to toe in designer clothes at any given time.  Anyway, I digress.  For the sexiest rainy day look go for the Burberry Trench coat (black or tan).  It is quite pricey but if you invest in it now and you live in a wet climate, you will wear it for the rest of our life.  For a less expensive option try London Fog; named after the city where the men dress to kill and it rains almost every day.  Also, you may want to check out J. Crew for said trench coats.  Remember, often these items are only sold seasonally.  So you can not show up in November looking for one because they will have out all the winter parkas.  But then again you can always purchase online.  A few more points to consider…

  • While I very much respect people who work in the News Media profession they are always wearing those wind breakers in poor weather and on television no less.  Unless you are a coach, a soccer dad on the sidelines or a college campus tour guide you should not wear the wind breakers in rainy weather or ever.
  • We always look at little kids with fondness dressed in their bright yellow rain jackets.  This look is cute but it is for children and teddy bears.  Do not wear the bright yellow rain coat unless you are the Gorton’s Fisherman guy or Dick Tracy for that matter.
  • To piggy back off of the last point, all jackets made out of plastic, pleather or any other shiny cheap synthetic material are never allowed on any day.

So, the next time it pours or when the next hurricane hits, you want to think London chic and sexy Sherlock Holmes.  That guy always had it right.

Quick Aside: No one ever looked better or was cooler than Humphrey Bogart in the best rainy movie scene.  Notice his chic Trench Coat in this movie clip…Casablanca.

Get Creative

Photo Credit: Photo Bucket

Halloween is my favorite holiday bar none.  Just a few days ago I was catching up with a great friend of mine and he was making fun of me for dressing up every year.  He is a few years older than me and was saying that dressing up for Halloween is for 6 year olds.  I reminded him that it was only about two years ago that he sported a killer Sigmund Freud costume. He stopped making fun of me immediately. (haha)  So given the season I am going to give my input on…

HALLOWEEN COSTUMES

First of all, you are never too old to dress up.  I am even planning on attending the infamous Village Halloween Parade this year.  If you are going out on the town, going to a house party, taking kids out trick-or-treating or want to have fun while answering the door for the whole neighborhood, get creative!  A great costume for an adult man is one that is original and clever.  Store costumes are strictly verboten.  You can purchase accessories from Party City, Ricky’s or what have you but stay away from the “costume in a bag.” It might be surprising but sometimes you can pull a better costume together with items in your closet that you already have. For example if you have an old life jacket type vest from the 80’s you may want to dress as Marty McFly or if you want to toss on a bath robe, a Harvard T-shirt, and pajama pants you can go as Mark Zuckerberg.  You need to keep it classy. Think of a witty TV and/or movie character that most people would not have thought of.  And you’ll get bonus points if you dress as a historical figure.  Here are a few simple do nots for your All-Hallows-Eve celebration

1. Don’t dress as something sleazy, like a pimp, it is no longer funny.

2. Some costumes seem great but are so played out or overdone like Clark Kent.  Be original.

3. Don’t dress as something disgusting like a used tampon.  This equals not sexy which equals not getting laid.

4. Don’t dress up as something offensive, politically incorrect, or risky.  Example: My little brother once dressed up as Osama Bin Laden.  I thought this was not a smart move even though my bro has a lot of nerve.  Don’t take the chance readers.

5. Don’t be afraid to get some of your friends to participate in a group costume.  It is a lot of work and it is difficult to get everyone to agree but with the right group of folks, group costumes are ALWAYS a hit.

6. Don’t be the loser who does not dress up or says you are dressed as yourself in a party full of people who are dressed up.  You will feel left out and look like an outcast.

7. Don’t dress up in a costume that is not appropriate for your age.  I’m talking to you Spiderman.

It is most important to make your Halloween costume your own.  Do not worry if it is not an exact match.  Have fun with your costume and you’ll have fun the all night long.

Keep it Clean

There’s nothing like a good sex shop. I’ve been to my fair share over the years and today I combined two of my favorite things and found myself at The Museum of Sex on lower 5th Avenue in Manhattan. The Museum itself is informative and entertaining. Of course one of the best parts is the gift shop. While perusing the store my eyes feasted on an array of items such as dirty Mad Libs, vibrators, condom lollipops and books on the history of pornography. As I arrived at the clothing section I began to think about…

VULGAR CLOTHING

Don’t get me wrong here, during my undergraduate and graduate school days I certainly wrote several papers on first amendment rights as well as my disagreement with censorship. I believe that all people have the right to express themselves. However, while no one should be told what they can and can not wear by law we all need to exercise a little discretion now and then. People who know me will say that I wear my make up like a transvestite, curse like a sailor and have done all kinds of things that have been deemed “out of line.” But I make a point not to wear my bad habits. Even so, I do not believe that anyone should wear clothing with vulgar, obscene or overly sexual images on them. I have seen a lot of this in my day and feel it is quite gauche. You never know if there are kids around who can see you, if you are about to run into your boss or worse; your crush. Not to mention you might really upset or offend someone. Oftentimes I see teenagers with t-shirts that have crude language on them and I want to approach them and ask how their parents let them go out of the house that way. Take it from me; you will never make a good impression (first or otherwise) wearing something with crude and/or inappropriate imagery or text on it. So next time you are browsing in Hot Topic or another alternative type store, stop yourself from reaching for a shirt that says, “10 cent Mustache Rides”, “I Fu**ed a Midget, “Proud Necrophiliac” or anything similar with a distasteful design. When it comes to the topics discussed/illustrated on your clothing, do yourself a favor and keep it clean.

Drawing the Line

It is great to have a hobby and to be passionate about something.  As human beings most of us thrive in an environment where we feel a sense of belonging and comradery.  Even so, just like anything else in life and in fashion we need to set limits.   Brace yourselves male readers, for many of you this one is really going to hurt.  You need to draw the line when it comes to…

SPORTS JERSEYS

I know this is a tough wardrobe habit to break not to mention a sensitive subject for most guys.  I am not insisting that you stop wearing sports jerseys all together, however there has to be some parameters.  If you are over the age of 15 you should only be caught wearing a sports jersey in the following scenarios:

1-     If you are yourself physically playing a sport whether professionally or for fun

2-     If you are in a sports bar and/or watching a sporting event on television

3-     If you are in attendance at a live sporting event

Sports apparel companies make millions off of this craze.  I never really understood it.  It is not even your name on the back; it is as if you are wearing someone else’s clothes.  In the spirit of drawing the line I’d like to suggest the following rule of thumb.  If you are a grown man you should own no more than 5 sports jerseys at any given time.  I do not mean 5 football jerseys, 5 baseball jerseys, 5 basketball jerseys, and so on. I mean 5 TOTAL.  So if you have 5 and there is a new one you feel you really have to have, one of the pre existing five has to go to the Salvation Army or donated to your 12 year old nephew.  I know this is difficult, but please trust me on this one.

Leave it on the Battlefield

One can’t help but be a little extra patriotic when Labor Day comes around. We are all thankful for a strong military that defends our country every day. I am even proud to say that I have a few members in my family that served in the military. What I am about to write I would say to my own family members…

LOSE THE MILITARY CAMOUFLAGE

This trend baffles me. Even if you are an active service member, there is no need or reason to wear the Camo when you are not working/required to do so. I know when we see little boys dressed up in a GI Joe–like fashion we find it tender, but as an adult man you need to just be a grown-up Joe. When I see furniture or clothing with too many flowers, I have been known for saying, “Leave the garden outside.” In this case, leave the camo on the battlefield. Wearing military camouflage is not cute or sexy. When you are walking by an article of clothing that is Camo and considering making a purchase, keep walking!  And if you currently own any camouflage clothing, take it to the Good Will immediately. Along the same line whether you are an active member of the military or just trying to be trendy, don’t wear dog tags, those big bulky boots, or wannabe sniper hats of any kind. Like I mentioned earlier it just isn’t cute no matter how you dress it up. Unless it’s Halloween or you are hiding from “Charlie” you need to just say no.

Quick Aside: Although men wearing camo for fun makes me sick, Pea Coats are completely acceptable.  In fact a good quality Pea Coat is one of the sexiest things a man can wear.  Check out Kaufman’s Army & Navy in midtown Manhattan for the best authentic Pea Coats.  The shop is kind of messy and the owner is beyond excentric but you’ll wear the coat for the rest of your life and never look back.

One or the Other

Photo Credit: PhotoBucket.com by aisfashionstudents

As we wind down the hazy, hot, and humid days of summer, I look back on all the good times and all the foolish fashion choices.  With much dismay I shake my head and am amazed every time I see a guy wearing…

SOCKS WITH SANDALS

Really spicy olives are my guilty pleasure and on a hot summer night I enjoy a scoop or two of pistachio ice cream.  I love socks and I love sandals but olives and ice cream belong together just as much as socks and sandals.   For those of you reading who are actively making this mistake, please cease doing so immediately, it’s not too late.  One of my ex boyfriends hated showing his feet in public, even on the hottest days he refused to wear sandals.  Looking back now, I applaud him for being wise enough to know better than to wear socks with sandals.  And truth be told, some girls are not into guys exposing their feet.  I never understood why, but I have heard this from many women.

For a quick recap/math lesson: Socks + Sandals = never ever allowed.  It is one or the other folks.  If you are going to wear socks, you are going to wear closed toe shoes.  If you want to wear comfortable summer shoes but are afraid of a chill, invest in a nice pair of boat shoes or loafers from ALDO or Banana Republic.   Trust me they are, as one of my wisest and best dressed male friends often says, “Worth every penny.”

Quick Aside:  If you are someone who thinks that wearing socks with sandals during the colder months makes up for the fact that you are wearing sandals during the wrong season, well, you may be beyond help.