Some people get freaked out by midgets, or creeps that follow you around in Macy’s or oddly long toes, etc. We all have things that give us the creeps! I realized on Saturday night that the tradition of Santa-con scares the s**t out of me. I am so terrified of all those weird Santas, awkward elves, and life size dradles walking around New York City. I had the unfortunate experience of going out Saturday night and socializing amongst all of these Santas. The Santas were wackos yet the night was fun. We went to Ace Bar in Alphabet City. Not the classiest joint I have ever stepped foot in but it was good enough I suppose. While I was there I got to thinking about how men can go many different directions with winter accessories. And I could write forever about said directions, but today I want to discuss
MITTENS ON MEN
Well, I am sure you know what is coming next. Attention all men: NEVER wear mittens. This is not an “if and or but” subject. The answer is always no after the age of 8 unless you work at the North Pole making toys all year long. It does not matter if you are making your way down the slopes, building a snowman with junior, or if your 13 year old niece Zoe made you mittens in her home economics class, the answer is always no! If you are a grown man who wears mittens you may as well have a sign hanging from your neck that says, “My mommy breast-fed me way too long, I still suck my thumb at night in secret, my three cats are my best friends, I’m a virgin and I wear a onesie every night to bed.” (Stay tuned for a post about grown men wearing onesies) There are just some aspects of fashion that you can’t make work. Plus, like I always write you wouldn’t want to run into your boss, crush or future in-laws wearing mittens would you? Every grown man who lives in a climate where the temperature will drop below 50 at some point during the year should own at least one pair of decent leather gloves. So, if you do not, then get yourself over to a Cole Haan, Coach, or even an Eddie Bauer for crying out loud and pick yourself up a pair. Try and purchase a pair with a cashmere lining, they are the warmest and best quality. A decent pair might cost you, but they will last a lifetime and you’ll never regret it!
“It is both delusional and stupid to think that clothes don’t really matter and we should all wear whatever we want. Most people don’t take clothing seriously enough, but whether we should or not, clothes do talk to us and we make decisions based on people’s appearances.”
– G. Bruce Boyer
Quick Aside: One more comment on Santa-Con. Since I seem to give out a lot of age limits on this forum, I would like to note that you should not be participating in the Santa-Con festivities past the age of 25. I know I am crushing some dreams here but it had to be said.