Not Your Friend

Photo Credit: By Denise Ann Frederick

Don’t you just love lazy days?  Today was one of those days for me.  I took a long walk down by the East River and enjoyed the view.  What men choose to wear on their days off I find telling.  I am starting to realize that men seem to be less aware of what makes them look fat.  Today I got to thinking about…


For as long as I can remember I have stuck to a strict mantra that says, “Horizontal stripes are not your friend.”  I do not care if you are as emaciated as Christian Bale’s character in The Machinist, you will look large in horizontal stripes.  It does not matter if your horizontally striped article of clothing is by a fancy expensive designer; the horizontal stripes will do you in every time Charlie Brown.   Unless you are dressing up as a jail-bird or you play professional rugby, leave the Where’s Waldo Shirts out of your wardrobe.  You must even tread carefully when it comes to vertical stripes.  A sharp pinstripe suit on a man can look quite dashing but please be weary of the Al Capone look.  Don’t overdo it.  I often see a lot of American flag striped shorts or bathing suits.  This too is a no-no.  I don’t care if Betsy Ross herself made your swim suit, say no to the American flag design at all costs.  When you want to wear stripes look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Will I be mistaken for a Foot Locker employee, a referee of any kind, or Apollo Creed circa 1976?”  If the answer is yes change your outfit immediately.

Quick Aside:  I know we are nearing Halloween which is an exciting time, however if you are wearing a striped suit and some one yells, “Hey Beetle Juice!” You are in trouble.