A Decent Pair

Photo Credit: www.etsy.com

Photo Credit: http://www.etsy.com

Some people get freaked out by midgets, or creeps that follow you around in Macy’s or oddly long toes, etc. We all have things that give us the creeps! I realized on Saturday night that the tradition of Santa-con scares the s**t out of me.  I am so terrified of all those weird Santas, awkward elves, and life size dradles walking around New York City.  I had the unfortunate experience of going out Saturday night and socializing amongst all of these Santas.  The Santas were wackos yet the night was fun.  We went to Ace Bar in Alphabet City.  Not the classiest joint I have ever stepped foot in but it was good enough I suppose.  While I was there I got to thinking about how men can go many different directions with winter accessories.  And I could write forever about said directions, but today I want to discuss

MITTENS ON MEN

Well, I am sure you know what is coming next.  Attention all men: NEVER wear mittens.  This is not an “if and or but” subject.  The answer is always no after the age of 8 unless you work at the North Pole making toys all year long.  It does not matter if you are making your way down the slopes, building a snowman with junior, or if your 13 year old niece  Zoe made you mittens in her home economics class, the answer is always no!  If you are a grown man who wears mittens you may as well have a sign hanging from your neck that says, “My mommy breast-fed me way too long, I still suck my thumb at night in secret, my three cats are my best friends, I’m a virgin and I wear a onesie every night to bed.” (Stay tuned for a post about grown men wearing onesies)  There are just some aspects of fashion that you can’t make work.  Plus, like I always write you wouldn’t want to run into your boss, crush or future in-laws wearing mittens would you?  Every grown man who lives in a climate where the temperature will drop below 50 at some point during the year should own at least one pair of decent leather gloves.  So, if you do not, then get yourself over to a Cole Haan, Coach, or even an Eddie Bauer for crying out loud and pick yourself up a pair.  Try and purchase a pair with a cashmere lining, they are the warmest and best quality. A decent pair might cost you, but they will last a lifetime and you’ll never regret it!

“It is both delusional and stupid to think that clothes don’t really matter and we should all wear whatever we want. Most people don’t take clothing seriously enough, but whether we should or not, clothes do talk to us and we make decisions based on people’s appearances.”
– G. Bruce Boyer

Quick Aside:  One more comment on Santa-Con.  Since I seem to give out a lot of age limits on this forum, I would like to note that you should not be participating in the Santa-Con festivities past the age of 25.  I know I am crushing some dreams here but it had to be said.

A Colossal Mistake

Photo Credit: svpply.com

On any given rainy Sunday in New York City there is still so much to do.  To fulfill a longtime curiosity of mine I visited MoMA PS1 today after a fabulous brunch at William Hallet.   They had a performance today so I definitely headed upstairs to see what it was all about.  The performance was beautiful and the room was packed with ever-so-hip “Art Crowd.”  As I scanned the room I nodded to myself in acceptance when I saw a sea or chic scarves, stylish rain boots, and…wait…

LEATHER PANTS

Was this guy serious?  I thought those were banned after the 80’s.  To me, leather pants on a man at any age equals so wrong.  I do not care if you are a biker, going through a midlife crisis, into that kinky S&M look, one of The Village People or auditioning for the Rocky Horror Picture show; leather pants really rub me the wrong way. (No pun intended).  It is a total mis-use of the material.  Leather pants on men are always either too baggy or too tight.  Leather is the kind of material that does not look right when worn baggy. And if you wear it too tight, well it is just that.  We don’t make shirts out of burlap or shorts out of sandpaper because it would be a colossal mistake…just like leather pants.  When I see the catastrophe that is leather pants on a guy, my mind always reverts back to the infamous episode of FRIENDS (season 5, episode 11) when David Schwimmer’s character Ross Gellar makes a total fool of himself while wearing leather pants for the first time ever on a first date.  One of the themes of my blog is “No Fear”, however I do not think wearing leather pants is fearless it is just foolish.  When it comes to leather, unless you have the cool factor of Jim Morrison or the nerve of Marilyn Manson, stick to wallets, belts, shoes, and for some of you jackets.

Quick Aside: Leather is a lot like pure vanilla extract.  Very creamy, splendid aroma, but if you add too much you will ruin the batter.  Don’t do it Edward Scissorhands!