I hate tchotchkes and knick knacks. I try and toss stuff out all the time. We are definitely living in a society that is obsessed with stuff. Whatever happened to less is more? Our appearances really are true indicators of what are personal lives are like. People who look like slob kebobs all the time are usually hoarders and those who look perfectly put together and aligned all the time are probably way too anal-retentive. This is not an exact science but it is often on point. So to get to the issue of the day I want to talk about the somewhat ‘off- the beaten path’ topic of
A few days ago a friend of mine returned from a trip from Las Vegas. He brought me back a keychain with my name on it as a souvenir. I was grateful that he thought of me but in my typical snob manner I said, “Maybe now is a good time to go over my policy on tchotchkes….” I’m such a bitch, I know! I tell this story only to segue into another. I was once on a date many years ago and it was going really well. He was neat, clean, good on paper, paid the check, the usual. But when it was time to leave, he pulled out a mammoth bunch of key chains and claimed they were his car keys. I almost puked up my duck l’orange. Although this was a few years back the guy was in his later 20’s at the time. Yet his keychain, first of all, had way too many keys. What are you a janitor? Then it had souvenir key chains from every island in the Caribbean and Cancun of course. Then there was the sports paraphernalia. Yuck! He had a keychain from each team he was a fan of in every sport. I even saw a rabbit’s foot hanging off of there. I mean taxidermy = not sexy. And for the love of all things holy, I think I was most offended by his Honda key chain. I wanted to
scream, “Bro! Unless you drive a Bentley, a Ferrari or the like you don’t need the key chain.” And let’s not forget those little plastic membership cards for the A&P or the gym he probably never goes to. Let’s just say he had everything on there but the kitchen sink. I was beyond appalled. I remember this like it was yesterday. If I went on a date with a guy who rocked all of these colossal key chain mistakes today, I would sneak out before dessert, however back them I was young and naïve. So, I wound up going back to his apartment with him to hang out with some other friends. And what do you know his apartment had Nintendo, movie posters covering the wall and was an absolute and utter mess. We never went out again and I hope he is reading this right now and knows it’s about him. Moral of the story: Keep the key chains classy and to a minimum.