Tchotchkes and Knick Knacks

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I hate tchotchkes and knick knacks.  I try and toss stuff out all the time.  We are definitely living in a society that is obsessed with stuff.  Whatever happened to less is more?  Our appearances really are true indicators of what are personal lives are like.  People who look like slob kebobs all the time are usually hoarders and those who look perfectly put together and aligned all the time are probably way too anal-retentive.  This is not an exact science but it is often on point.  So to get to the issue of the day I want to talk about the somewhat ‘off- the beaten path’ topic of


A few days ago a friend of mine returned from a trip from Las Vegas.  He brought me back a keychain with my name on it as a souvenir.  I was grateful that he thought of me but in my typical snob manner I said, “Maybe now is a good time to go over my policy on tchotchkes….”  I’m such a bitch, I know!  I tell this story only to segue into another.  I was once on a date many years ago and it was going really well.  He was neat, clean, good on paper, paid the check, the usual.  But when it was time to leave, he pulled out a mammoth bunch of key chains and claimed they were his car keys.  I almost puked up my duck l’orange.  Although this was a few years back the guy was in his later 20’s at the time.  Yet his keychain, first of all, had way too many keys.  What are you a janitor?  Then it had souvenir key chains from every island in the Caribbean and Cancun of course.  Then there was the sports paraphernalia.  Yuck!  He had a keychain from each team he was a fan of in every sport.  I even saw a rabbit’s foot hanging off of there.  I mean taxidermy = not sexy.   And for the love of all things holy, I think I was most offended by his Honda key chain.  I wanted to

scream, “Bro! Unless you drive a Bentley, a Ferrari or the like you don’t need the key chain.”   And let’s not forget those little plastic membership cards for the A&P or the gym he probably never goes to.  Let’s just say he had everything on there but the kitchen sink. I was beyond appalled.  I remember this like it was yesterday.  If I went on a date with a guy who rocked all of these colossal key chain mistakes today, I would sneak out before dessert, however back them I was young and naïve. So, I wound up going back to his apartment with him to hang out with some other friends.  And what do you know his apartment had Nintendo, movie posters covering the wall and was an absolute and utter mess.  We never went out again and I hope he is reading this right now and knows it’s about him. Moral of the story: Keep the key chains classy and to a minimum.

Everyone Will Notice

whiteSocksHave you ever walked into a friend’s home after not being there for a while and thought silently to yourself, “Wow! The place looks good.  New furniture, new window treatments, they still could use a fresh coat of paint but a lot of progress has been made here.”  This is exactly how I felt after taking a short bus ride to Harlem.  I had not been there in a really long time but they really have done a lot with the place.  I was early for the event I had to attend there so naturally I took a stroll around the neighborhood.  I wound up walking into The Studio Museum in Harlem.  What a quaint museum.  They really had a lot to offer for such a small space and I would highly recommend a visit to anyone.  As I was walking around the galleries I was amongst other art lovers and museum goers of course.  I was admiring a unique exhibition called “Harlem Postcards” when out of the corner of my eye I spotted one of the biggest fashion faux pas of all time.


You might ask how I noticed while I was admiring the artwork.  Well, a mistake this colossal is difficult to miss.  Those improperly worn white socks were glaring at me.  It really does not matter if you were late running out of the house or if all your dark socks were dirty.  White socks are for athletic sneakers only.  In fact, if your sneakers happen to be dark then you need dark athletic socks. Where do men get the nerve to wear white or light-colored socks with dark shoes? I mean, white socks totally negate the nice pair of shoes you are wearing. And do not think for one second that if you are wearing long pants that no one will notice, everyone will notice!  You know how you hear about someone who is really poor and living in a trailer yet they have a Ferrari parked outside and it just seems wrong somehow.  This is the same thing.  I found a really fun website called The Joy of Socks.  Check it out.  But to be honest, you can get decent dark socks anywhere so there really is no excuse. Don’t be afraid to express yourself with your socks, they always make for an interesting conversation piece.  Just do yourself a favor and don’t commit fashion suicide with your sock choice. Always remember what Miuccia Prada said,

“What you wear is how you present yourself to the world, especially today, when human contacts are so quick. Fashion is instant language.”

mjQuick Aside:  I know what some of you may be thinking.  “What about Michael Jackson, he rocked the dark pants + black shoes + white socks look?”  Sometimes famous people make fashion choices in the name of irony.  And let’s face it, MJ can do no wrong.  So until you are unanimously named The King of Pop, do the right thing and don’t make any foolish statements.